i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
