if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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