I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
