my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
