A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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