Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
