It was confusing and full of hummus
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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