Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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