3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
