Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
