he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
