I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
