this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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