If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
