I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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