I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
