I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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