I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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