it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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