one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
