hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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