i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
