I wish life had little blips of pornography
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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