I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
