Me too!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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