you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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