I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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