i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
