oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
