have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
