I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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