Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
God I need to hump something, right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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