Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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