her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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