Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
