I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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