I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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