I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Please don't give away my fajitas
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
