I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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