you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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