I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
