My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
