Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
