I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
even my farts smell like vagina
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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