Porn is love you can see.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
