would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Who died my cat blue again?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize