He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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