my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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