sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
