someone owes me an orgasm
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
