how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
