how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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