So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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