hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
