At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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