And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
