Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
