Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
