id be glad to
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
