two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
