You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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