Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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