Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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