the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
