Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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