Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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