so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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