Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
