One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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