i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He has the fingertips of a God
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
