??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
