dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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