I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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