What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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