I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need to sanitize my soul.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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