I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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