also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize